![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You These songs are all the things I've been meaning to tell you...all the words, thoughts, and emotions that are so hard for me to express. The pages in this book serve as a map to help you find your way back home in case you are lost.
Эти песни обо всём, что я когда-либо собирался сказать тебе... всех словах, мыслях и эмоциях, которые мне так трудно выразить. А страницы этой книги послужат картой, которая приведёт тебя домой, если ты вдруг потеряешься.
01. Dancing In The SnowI was the type of person that could handle being alone...actually really enjoy it and take pride in my independence. Growing up as an only child you learn to entertain yourself. For me, that meant spending a bunch of time drawing or trying to make bow and arrows out of tree branches. My wife went back home to Illinois during the past Christmas Holiday. During that winter, there were horrible snow storms in Chicago and that delayed her stay longer than expected. What I found out is that it is very hard to be apart from her. Dancing in the Snow is a song that I made when she was trapped in the snow while I was home in San Antonio. As I was making the song, I kept picturing the two of us slow dancing in the middle of slowly falling snow.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
02. Falling Asleep To The Glow Of The Television She needs to leave the TV on in order to sleep. Sometimes, I joke about her sleep quirk but what's funnier is that I have grown into the same exact habit. We all start to share habits when you are in a relationship with someone...sometimes you start saying the same things or even laugh the same way. While she was away in Illinois I had to leave the TV on at night. It's just too quiet around here without it. Late one night I went outside and from my backyard I could hear the TV. I'm not sure what was on but I could faintly hear a melody - maybe from an infomercial. Whatever it was, it quickly caught my attention and despite being on the verge of sleep, I immediately went to the studio and started creating the sound I heard. Falling Asleep to the Glow of the Television begins with this melody.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
03. Self Awakening One of my favorite movies is Vanilla Sky. The title. Self Awakening, refers to the final scene of the film when the main character, David, needs to make an important choice. The decision the character has to make is to continue living in a lucid dream or overcome a giant personal fear in order to live in the real world. "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour." These words are some of the last bits of advice given to David...a very resonating message in my mind as well.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
04. We Can Live In The Forest We Can Live in the Forest is about escape. There's a sense of smallness I feel when I am not in my normal environment and I am surrounded by trees and mountains...! forget about day to day stresses and that's why I feel this sense of escape. The title, "We Can Live in the Forest" comes from conversations with my wife about finding the ideal place for us to live. We both agreed on wanting to live close to towering trees. What better place to escape to than the forest? We Can Live in the Forest is also a tribute to Joy Division. As soon as I watched the Joy Division movie, Control, I knew I had to make my own Joy Division song. I never really associated my sound with Joy Division's but hearing their tracks throughout the movie made me see a connection. Joy Division's music is dark, melancholy, and beautiful but somehow still danceable. I think the music I make shares some of the same aspects. Why is Love Will Tear Us Apart such an amazing song?
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
05. Opening A Lost Sacred Door I've always been fascinated with the counter culture of the 60's and Opening a Lost Sacred Door is a throwback to that time. It seems as though so much musical creativity and expression emerged from this moment in time and if time travel was possible I would most certainly visit this era. While working on these songs, I also started reading more about psychedelic drugs, specifically DMT, and their ability to tap into areas of our consciousness that we aren't normally aware of including a hard wired spirituality. Opening a Lost Sacred Door is just a reference to these types of drugs abilities plus I got a chance to sneak in a Lucy in the Skies with Diamonds reference by using the letters L, S, and D.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
06. Psychedlic Bellhop I am really happy about how the intro keys came out in this track because it reminded me of the Beatles but this was a stubborn song that refused to be named. I knew that 1 wanted to call it Psychedelic something but I couldn't quite figure out what. I showed her the track and she said Bellhop...call it Psychedelic Bellhop. I instantly fell in love with the name. She said the song reminded her of an old Sesame Street cartoon with a bellhop that counted numbers.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
07. Etchasketch Trees Listening to this song gives me a feeling of peace and I wanted to name it after someone gentle natured. The first person that came to mind was my grandmother. Growing up, my mother and I would visit my grandmother every Sunday. She always read large print novels about Indians and her walls were decorated with paintings of wolves. On these Sunday visits, I spent a lot of time drawing, either with pencil and paper or on an old etchasketch that was at her apartment. I'd never really know what to draw on my own so I'd ask her what to draw and she would want me to draw trees. I honestly feel like the theme of trees in my music and art stems from these days. She would encourage me to really observe the way trees grew and use these observations to draw realistic looking trees instead of the typical rounded top generic trees that we all learn to draw as kids. I miss her.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
08. Emerald Nova Working on Been Meaning to Tell You, I went through a bit of a phase where I wanted to name songs after people that were close to me as I did with Etchasketch Trees. I think the reason for this is that a lot of the songs were about my relationship with my wife but thinking about her also made me think about other people close to me. There's something very driven and strong to this song...a kind of solid force to it and in that way it reminded me of my dad. My dad is a man of very little words...l think that's where I get it from. My dad is hardworking, honest, dependable and funny and if I were ever in any kind of trouble or have a problem he'd be the first to know. When I imagine him as a young, long haired dude, shooting pool and drinking bowls of salsa on a dare, I imagine him driving his Green Chevy Nova...thus Emerald Nova.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
09. Purple Heart For whatever reason, both of my grandfathers never played important roles in my life. On my mom's side, my grandmother left her husband because he wanted to go live in Mexico but my grandmother felt that wasn't the best decision for her and her kids so they separated and much later divorced. I only remember visiting him twice. On my dad's side, my grandfather was abusive and an alcoholic and my grandmother left him and much later remarried a man named Howell...who is the closest thing I got to a real grandpa even though we're not related by blood. When I think of my Grandpa Howell, a few things come to mind: Pearl Beer, lots of golf, and the Purple Heart he received in the Korean War.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
10. Untitled Love Song When I initially started working on Been Meaning to Tell You, I made a handful of tracks and I felt like they were all going in the wrong direction. They were really empty sounding and had no life to them. New gear always seems to inspire some songs out of me so I invested in an old drum machine, my friend hooked my up with an acoustic guitar, and I got a proper mic stand. Untitled Love Song was the first song to emerge from working with the new gear and the mood and feel of the track really set the tone for the rest of the songs I made after this one. She has always wanted me to make a song specifically for her and this is the one.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
11. I'm Here You're ThereI can't even remember what we were fighting about. Sometimes it can be a tiny little thing that escalates and other times it can be something major but what I do remember is that she left. I'm Here You're There was made that same night and the song instantly came together. I remember feeling really upset about the argument but still somehow missing her and I think this song captures that feeling. We can never really stay mad for very long...I think we both end up missing one another and feel like we have to say or do something to make things right.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
12. When You Are Lost I Will Find You Sometimes my daughter will say the simplest, strangest, most beautiful things and it floors me. The day that I was working on this song my daughter came up to me and told me not to worry because if I was lost she would find me. It made me think about when I was really young, lost in the grocery store and that being one of the scariest things. As I kept working on the track her words stuck with me and I wanted them to be a part of the song. The synth that comes in at 14 seconds sing the words for me..."when you are lost I will find you."
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
13. Upon The 49th Day One summer, I became fascinated with DMT. Through research I found that our bodies have a gland in our brain that produces this chemical. It is believed that when you are born or die...your body produces DMT. Also, on the 49th day as a fetus, our bodies form the gland that produces DMT and also the day that our bodies form into female or male. Researching DMT led me to the Tibetan's who believe that the 49th day is when your soul is reincarnated into a new body. The Tibetan Book of the Dead also describes death as your soul traveling at high speeds until the 49th day when it is reincarnated...kind of like a DMT trip. I've always felt like reincarnation is what happens to our souls and all this information aligning just feels like evidence. Upon the 49th Day is a musical interpretation of reincarnation...the song starts from next to nothing and builds to an apex then returns back in a very symmetrical fashion. The song is a cycle, a continuous loop, just like us.
![Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock]( "Ernest Gonzales - Been Meaning to Tell You (2010) / Electronic, IDM, Post-Rock")
